Articles on Parenting

• Is This My Life, Or Am I Living In A Sitcom!?!
• Instilling a Love for Literature
• Building Learners for Life
• Homework: Healthy Habits or Hassles?

Is This My Life, Or Am I Living In A Sitcom!?! By Jody Capehart

(Please note: this is a chapter from my book Once Upon a Time. My children were 4, 8 and 15 at the time, and now they are 23, 27 and 34! However, the story is timeless in that it illustrates the power of words and importance of communication. It’s a true story and I hope it will make you smile. Jody)

Words have power. At one extreme, they can construct bridges between people, organizations, and countries. On the other, they can build walls that divide and destroy. In between, they often confuse. Consider a conversation my family held at the dinner table one night:

Angela: What’s a vein?
Christopher: You know…like, "Thou shalt not take the same of the Lord thy God in vain."
Before I could begin to unwind that conversation and make sense out of it, our oldest asked Paul, "Dad, what are you playing in the concert tonight?"
Paul: Beethoven. Aba Eben will be there, also.
Christopher: Who is he?
Paul: Israel’s minister of defense.
Christopher: You mean he’s a football player?
Before I could fix that one, my family was already running headlong into round three.
Damon: Dad, aren’t you also playing "Anatomy of Peace?"
Angela: Are we having pizza for dinner?
Christopher: No dummy, Peace.
Damon: Come on, don’t fight about it. Give peace a chance.
Angela: But I don't like peas, I want pizza.
Mom: This is the most amazing digression I have ever heard. I had better go write this one down. What a family. This takes the cake.
Angela: Are we having cake tonight?
Christopher: Is digression like digestion?
Paul: How can we ever have peace on earth if we who are in one family and speak the same language cannot figure out one conversation?!
Angela: So did I ever find out what this vein in my arm does?
Mom: Pass the peas.

The Apostle John speaks of Jesus Christ, saying, "In the beginning was the Word..and the Word was God…and the Word became flesh and lived among us." Christ was God’s perfect Word- His complete communication of Himself to us. However, sometimes we run off following some clever digression, so we fail to hear what God has spoken clearly through His Son.

"No matter what we feel or think, God is always kinder, greater, better, more beautiful than we ever could have thought," says James Cooke in his book, Celebration of Grace. "Even in our very wildest dreams, we have no conception of how good He is. Even His severity toward us is goodness. There is no way we could have something more or better than we already have in Him."

Do you believe God is good? That He loves you infinitely and seeks only your best? If not, stop. Listen. Pay attention to His Word in the flesh- Jesus Christ. He offers salvation, grace, and peace, saying, "My yoke is easy; my burden is light."

How can we have peace on earth if one family can't hold simple, clear conversation? Only through the supernatural power of Christ. The Bible says that one day He will reign on earth as King. Those that have listened to His voice and responded in faith will live forever with no more tears - no more division - no more misunderstandings!

Instilling a Love for Literature by Jody Capehart

How do we instill a love of great literature in our children, whether at home, school or in church? Many of us feel very burdened by the declining desire in the children of today to want to read.

The Family Research Council reports in one of its excellent publications the common denominator that makes up an excellent school is the level of involvement of the parents. This parental factor is reflected also in a home environment is conducive to learning. This does not mean that the parents have all the latest technological equipment, but rather, an attitude that supports LEARNING AS A LIFELONG JOURNEY.

As I visit schools, churches and homes around the country as a part of my speaking ministry, I have observed this same truth. Healthy homes, schools and churches that support and stimulate excellence in education provide a learning environment that is conducive to creating a passion for learning. At the core of this are the adults who are committed to spending time reading with children and young people.

This passion for the written word is very contagious. But perhaps we feel a sense of competition with the television, computer programs and videos of today. These make it hard for us to instill this love of literature in our children. We have to work at carving out time to turn off the telephone, computer, and television and simply read to and with our children.

It was my privilege to attend the L’Abri Conference in February. What a great experience to ‘sit at the feet’ of many great speakers and learn about LITERATURE. Their eloquent use of the language, passion for literature and of course, that delightful English accent made it a most enjoyable experience. The logo for the conference was a women holding a child in her lap and reading to the child. Susan Schaeffer said that “The love of literature begins in a lap.” Here are a few key points to remember:

• Love of Literature is first cultivated in the home.
• Literature begins in the lap.
• Literature 101: nursery rhymes
• Literature 201: Holy Scriptures (C.S. Lewis writes "That the Bible is the golden strand of the English language.")
• Leisure is essential and in this day and time, this is a hard commodity to come by. We have to pray for it and prioritize it!
• Living books are what Charlotte Mason talks about in her writings.

For me personally, as a mother, these are some things that helped cultivate the love of literature in my children.

1. Read to and with them daily. Use a variety such as the scriptures, a classical literature book as well as simply some fun books of their choice that you check out from the library.
2. Buy books for special occasions such as: devotional that is age appropriate for each Christmas a quality classical hard bound literature book for each birthday.
3. Let your children see you read. LOVERS OF READING MAKE LIFE-LONG READERS. It isn’t too late to begin today!

Building Learners for Life by Jody Capehart

We want to develop a passion for learning in our children so they will want to be LEARNERS FOR LIFE. The brain and learning capacity of a child are extraordinary. If we retained that ability as adults, we would all be much smarter! How do we keep this passion for learning alive in our children? The most effective way is to embrace the way they learn, and teach to their learning style.

For teachers, this is a big job because the students have different learning styles in their classrooms. We need to be sensitive to all that teachers do each day as they seek to reach and teach each child. It is a daunting task at best. As parents, as you work with your children at home, you can help them to love the learning process and thus, build learners for life.

For starters, let us become observers of our children. If you are a parent of a pre-K child, you will notice that they are learning through all of their sensory gates simultaneously. Children look at things while talking about them, touching and shaking them at the same time to see what the object does. Little ones will try to put things in their mouth as well in order to get the full sensory experience. The young child completely engages in the learning process and finds everything fascinating.

As parents, we would be wise to set up lots of multi-sensory activities for our little children. These activities integrate the hand and eye, develop coordination and concentration. When children learn in this way, the brain connections are enhanced and learning increases. This is much better than watching movies, which only involve passive learning. The more the young child interacts with all of his senses, the stronger the brain connections and higher the retention level.

For children in elementary school, it is wise to let them run and play outside when they first come home from school. If the weather is bad, try indoor activities that enhance creativity. Children live in the world of make believe and it is healthy for their brain development to role-play and create with open-ended projects. Play is the work of the young child.

Keep the home environment rich with activities, things to explore and create. It would be wise to minimize television, movies, video games and yes, even computer time. What, you gasp? What about educational programs on the television, movie, video game and computer? The brain of the child develops at a faster rate with interactive learning. Research is showing there are areas of the brain that are not fully developing when children spend too much time with television and video games. Before you panic, you can reverse the process by investing language opportunities into your child. Talk with your child. Play with your child. Go on the journey of discovery and learning with your child. It is actual face-to-face adult conversation that is rich with language interaction which develops the areas of the brain to help the child with reading and language activities in school. May I gently suggest that you put your cell phone on silent when you pick up your child from school, shop in the grocery store and at meal times. Those teachable times provide invaluable opportunities to develop language and create meaningful memories.

Here are a few learning patterns that you may observe in your child and some suggestions about what you can do to enhance brain development on the home front. Children take in the information they are learning about through the following sensory gates:

• Visual: If your child is a visual learner, he learns best by what he sees. As this child gets older, writing things down, highlighting and making flash cards will enhance learning.
• Auditory: If your child is auditory, he needs the dual process of listening as well as talking. When this child hears, the information comes in partway. However, in order to retain and retrieve it, the child needs to talk about it. It is the talking that brings the information full circle in the brain. This child responds well to be quizzed orally, learned and/or any other auditory activity.
• Tactile: These children love to touch. They are not overly active children, but they do need to touch. You will find them busy with their hands. Learning will be enhanced for this child by providing lots of hands on manipulatives.
• Kinesthetic: These children must move in order to learn. Yep, this is the child on the move! If we understand that their need to move is inherent in the learning process and actually enhances learning, we are more patient with this child. Let’s provide lots of productive activities for this child to DO. As we keep him busy with learning activities, we will find that he becomes more focused and less inappropriately active.
• Relational: This is a child who learns best when he/she has a relationship with the adult. As parents and teachers, we can do much to facilitate this child’s learning by taking time to simply develop a rapport and relationship.
• Sequential: These children do like structure, order and organization. They thrive when things are predictable. They want to know the plan for the day and may become anxious when too many activities are spontaneous. We can enhance this child’s learning by providing a quiet, orderly place for him to spend time. He can think and learn at a more in-depth rate when things are sequential and orderly.
• Analytic: You can almost see the wheels turning in this child’s mind. They are busy analyzing, thinking and processing, and need quiet time to do so. They want to know “why” and seem to have an insatiable need to learn more.
• Multi-Taskers: These children do not welcome structure, order or predictability. They think outside thebox and love to do several things at once. For this child you will want to provide lots of hands on activities that are open-ended so this child can feel free to explore, invent and create. A word to the wise, if you tell this child how to do a task, they will often do the exact opposite. If it’s a discipline issue, that is different. If it is related to learning, let them go and explore on their own.

The world of learning and brain research is exciting. New information is coming out all the time. We know that brain connections are enhanced through a balance of focused learning time followed by a time to be active. We know that water hydrates the brain. As parents and teachers, let’s model drinking water around and encourage them to always be drinking water. As parents and teachers, when we are excited about the learning process, we become contagious to the children. As they observe our passion, they become more excited about all there is to learn. Let us model being learners for life.

Homework: Healthy Habits or Hassles? by Jody Capehart

As you are starting back to school, think about creating a mindset to form new habits to usher in a positive start for your children. As you think of homework, do you anticipate a good year or does your heart sink? For some of you, a collective heavy sigh may come out as you think of the potential homework hassles starting up again. How do you turn hassles into healthy homework habits?

How do you utilize your student’s learning style in order to set up a homework environment conducive for successful study strategies? It can be as simple as A-B-C. In the article on “Loving to Learn”, we shared that it is important to observe your child to see how he/she learns best and use that as a starting place.

A: Attitude is everything!

Share with your child that homework is important! It isn’t a punishment given by the teacher, but rather, an opportunity to enhance what is being taught in the classroom. If you are positive about homework, your attitude is contagious to the children.

B: Believe in your child!

You build up your child’s confidence when you communicate that you believe in him and how he learns. It can be difficult to be a student and be in classes all day that may or may not be presented in the way he learns best. It is very draining if one feels stupid and can’t “get it”, even with a great deal of effort put forth.

C: Communicate with your child.

When you say, “Let’s work together to set up a homework area that helps the way you learn. Help me to understand how you learn so we can set this up to make it easier for you to do your homework.” Try something out and if it does not help, then move on to Plan B.

For starters, is your child more analytic or global? For example, if your child tends to process things in a sequential, logical manner, he is probably more of an analytical learner. These children see the details first, then the patterns and finally the whole picture. In other words, they go from part to whole. Whereas, the global learner sees the whole picture first and then the patterns and finally the details. If your child is more creative and thinks outside the box, she may be more global. This is why analytic students do not get overwhelmed with doing their homework. They go from the part to the whole, step by step. They see one problem at a time; complete it then go on to the next. Whereas the global students see the whole thing, get overwhelmed, feel certain they can’t get it all done, shut down and may not finish the task. It is not a factor of IQ, it is a matter of brain functioning.

Here is another interesting difference. Usually analytical thinkers are more comfortable working at a desk or table, with bright light such as with windows, bright lamps or overhead lights, and they often prefer a quiet environment to do their homework. Whereas global thinkers usually prefer to work with everything spread out on the floor or sitting on the couch or their bed, like softer light such as a lamp and prefer a sound component such as music playing in the background.

When you ask a teacher which students are the ‘good students’, he or she may name the analytic students because they are quiet, sit at their desks and get their work done. The global students are often on the move, asking questions, thinking outside the box, and forgetting their assignments. Please note― this is a generalization.

On the home scene, while in the quest of trying to help their children, well-meaning parents often purchase a desk, chair and lamp to set up a nice homework environment for their students. But when they go in to check on the homework status, they discover the desk has become a holding place for stuff and their kids are on the floor or on the bed. Yikes! What is a parent to do? Translation: the parent has set up an analytic learning environment and the child may be more of a global learner.

This chart may help you to see what analytic and global learners generally need in terms of environmental preferences even though every child learns differently and as such, your child may not fit into one of these neat and tidy little categories. You do not have to follow this strictly, find what works for your child. Remember, these are just general guidelines to help you get started.

	Light Preference	Sound Preference	Seating Preference
Analytic Learners	Bright light	Quiet	Desk or table
Global Learners	Soft light	Sound component	Floor, couch or bed

You might say to your child, "We are going to try a different learning environment for you to do your homework. If it works and your grades go up, great, we will go with it. If it doesn’t work for you, we will go to plan B."

The goal is to find the learning environment that works for your child. For the students who need the sound component when they work, there is one important thing to remember. A background sound that has words forms word pictures in the brain. Your student may try to assure you that having television or loud rock music playing is not a problem. Well, it is. Well-documented research has shown that classical music is better for brain development. Most children do not want to hear this. ☺ Our next article will be on “Classical Music and Brain Development”. Meanwhile, be very direct and clear with your student, kids do have an antenna for truth. You may say something like, “When you study with things that distract you, the brain doesn’t learn as fast or remember the information. I want you to do as well as you can in school. I know you want to spend as little time as possible on homework. Therefore, you may choose to study quietly or if you need sound, you may have classical music or some neutral sound such as a fan. Which do you choose?” If your child begins to form his defense with “But I know I learn better with the television on”, here is your answer: “Bring me the research that proves the brain works better with television and then we will discuss the possibility.” Don’t worry, there is nothing to substantiate that fact, you are on safe ground, but meanwhile it will buy you time, your child will be obeying you and he is learning. Package deal.

To turn homework hassles into positive homework habits, look at your attitude. Are there ways for you to be more positive? Have you taken time today to tell your child that you believe in him or her, and you know they can do it? Encouragement energizes us and helps us in the process. Communicate with your child that you want to work together to set up a homework environment that works for your child’s learning style. Experiment until you find what works for your child. You will see an observable difference when you find the one that works. You have taken the first step in forming healthy homework habits. Congratulations!